Promoting World Peace
I am much too timid in real life to insult stupid people. Thank goodness for the blogosphere, where I can do it using [square brackets]. Especially if it’s to teach geography or promote world peace. Because it just feels so rewarding.
This was from several years ago. I’m back in California now.
Moving Co Sales Lady: So, you’re moving to Singapore?
Jack: Yes, and I need you to tell me how much it’ll cost to send all my stuff there. [And what’s with the mustache on your face. I thought they sell something that melts that stuff. Please consider using it so your upper lip doesn’t look like a bright red broom after you eat a Popsicle.]
Moving Co Sales Lady: Singapore…is that, in, like, Africa?
Jack: No. It’s an island-nation towards the bottom of Southeast Asia, right on the equator. [That would be the north/south midpoint on the globe. We’ll skip the lesson on lattitude and longitude for now, and stick to one- and two-syllable words.]
Not near Africa. [Please buy a globe and study it. And please seriously consider not having children.]
Moving Co Sales Lady: Oh, yes. I should have figured, since you’re Asian.
Jack: (trying hard to ignore last comment because, again, I’m timid). Since you’re asking, [Even though you didn’t ask, but I’ll tell you anyway in the hope of furthering world peace.] Singapore has the highest standard of living in Southeast Asia and a very advanced mass transit system. Everybody there speaks 3 or more languages, because learning English and Mandarin in addition to their native Hokkien or Malay is mandatory in their schools. They operate the world’s busiest shipping port. [This is a sincere attempt to reach out and tell you about an interesting place you may want to visit someday. I hope you paid attention instead of getting bored with your eyes glazed over.]
Moving Co Sales Lady: (eyes glazed over, returning to attention) Tell me which items you are going to send, so I can write up an estimate for you.
Jack: Well, pretty much everything here in my apartment. Except for the electrical items, of course. [And please don’t touch anything I own. I know that your touching my stuff is unlikely to cause my future children to flunk geography, but I’m not taking any chances.]
Moving Co Sales Lady: (lower jaw touching floor, expression of horror on face) They don’t have electricity in Singapore?!
Jack: They do have electricity there. [See my short intro to Singapore from 2 seconds ago. They have a subway. It runs on electricity, not hamster wheel power. I guess my hopes for world peace are shot until natural selection phases out people like you.]
They just use a different voltage, so my alarm clock and toaster won’t work there. [You dumb pud. Here’s ten bucks for the peach fuzz remover.]
tags :: jokes : humor : sarcasm : Singapore : geography : ignorance
13 Comments so far
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man you’re pretty brave to let someone who thinks singapore is in africa move your stuff there..
that would have been the misspelled words on your resume, next please, throw it in the trash, kiss of death phrase for me.
By dietchilicheesefries on 05.01.06 9:37 pm
Moving to Singapore involved leaving your house? You were brave!
By Andrew on 05.02.06 6:53 pm
How did you keep a straight face with that woman?!
By ChickyBabe on 05.03.06 12:38 am
DCCF: Yes, good thing everything arrived in S’pore safe and sound (minus one nice leather briefcase).
Andrew: Don’t believe all the rumors about me not ever stepping outdoors. Lies, all lies. Back to watching tv now. Gotta close the shades first it’s getting light out.
CB: When prone to inappropriate laughter (as I am), a person must train himself to nip it in the bud by thinking unhappy thoughts. Like having all my stuff wind up in Africa.
By Jack on 05.03.06 4:09 am
When I encounter educationally challenged people such as despondent Home Depot employees, (some) post office clerks and bureacrats in non-competitive government agencies, Loehmann’s cashiers, etc. I think of my oldest sister’s perspective on them.
“If they were smarter or thought like you did, don’t you think they would have a better job?” Then somehow, I feel that I almost have no right to be angry or annoyed, and instead I feel grateful that I’m better off than they are. Because at least I know where Singapore is and that I had the means to learn that. And if I didn’t know where Singapore was, I have the basis to find out.
And as far who’s reproducing in this country. Don’t even get me started! I wouldn’t be surprised if that mover had several kids. All the people who shouldn’t reproduce do. And all the people with the proper genes (in the eugenic sense) don’t.
Ky
By Ky on 05.04.06 11:13 pm
Ky: You are right about what we should expect from different kinds of people when it comes to general knowledge. Maybe my whole view of all this is skewed, because I’m from a somewhat humble background (especially when it comes to education), so I’m not very forgiving when I run into ignorance, no matter the person’s background.
Your reproduction comment- reverse Darwinism at work?! hahaha you are hilarious.
By Jackt on 05.04.06 11:24 pm
Thank you for knowing where Singapore is! And for helping us “promote” our country.
And if you’re in Singapore already, welcome! And I hope that you love our hot & humid weather.
By Mei Lin on 05.08.06 2:43 am
Oops, my bad. You’re back in CA, eh?
Anyway, hope that you liked your stay in Singapore.
By Mei Lin on 05.08.06 2:44 am
Mei Lin: Yes, I was in S’pore for a little less than half a year, but I still dream about Chatterbox Chicken Rice and the chili crab at East Coast Seafood Center! And always wondered why they don’t spell “Chijmes” the shopping center the way it sounds: “Chimes”! Have some of that awesome satay for me!
By Jackt on 05.08.06 8:39 am
Man, I must be the most UnSingaporean Singaporean here.
Cause I have yet to eat the Chicken Rice at Chatterbox. Neither have I tried the chili crab at East Coast Seafood Centre. 
As for “Chijmes”, well, it took me sometime before I learnt how to pronounce it too.
According to Wikipedia, it actually stands for Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus Middle Education School and thus that explains the acronyms - Chijmes.
Guess what? And I only learnt that minutes before writing this here.
Well, we all learn something new everyday, eh?
By Mei Lin on 05.08.06 9:31 am
ML: Thanks for looking up how Chijmes got its name! Now there are no more mysteries in my life.
Except for why you have not yet been to Chatterbox or East Coast Seafood Centre!
By Jackt on 05.08.06 10:10 am
For Chatterbox, maybe it’s coz it’s over-rated/over-hyped. And maybe because I think that they are actually ripping tourists off!
I won’t pay S$20++ for chicken rice when I can get them at like S$5 from an equally established and authentic joint. 
As for East Coast Seafood Centre, maybe it’s coz I stay at the end of the island..and maybe it’s coz I am no seafood lover. 
Anyway if you do visit SGP again, do drop me a note. Me & my gang of friends will be happy to bring you around and be “adopted” by true-blue Singporeans…temporarily, of course 
By ML on 05.13.06 2:08 am
ML: Nononononononono I’m an “ugly American” tourist and will stick to CBox, ECSF, Raffles Hotel, and Orchard Road! La!
By Jackt on 05.13.06 7:32 am
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