Cylon IED (Improvised Explosive Device)

cylon.jpgCylons are the bane of the human race, constantly watching us through their roving red eye, plotting to bring about our extinction and the end of our civilization.

After a bathroom trip at the Portland Airport, I now know the truth.

They are already here. Armageddon is nigh.

Step step step. Good, no janitor sign
Sink. Soap. Paper towels. Check
Open stall. Gross. Bastard didn’t flush. Next
Open stall. No TP. Crap. Next
Open stall. Clean seat. TP. Seat covers. Check
Sweet
Enter. Shut door. Lock
Take off jacket. Hang on hook
[CLICK!] ***FLUSH***. Crap!
Roll roll roll. Wipe wipe wipe seat.
[CLICK!] ***FLUSH***. Crap!
Roll roll roll. Slowly wipe wipe wipe seat
Hold breath. No flush. *sigh*
Place seat cover. Slowly
Hold breath. No flush. *sigh*
Turn around. drop trow
[CLICK!] ***FLUSH***. Crap!
Turn back around. Pull up tighty whiteys
Pants between ankles
Roll roll roll. Slowly wipe wipe wipe seat
Hold breath. No flush. *sigh*
Place seat cover. Slowly
Hold breath. No flush. *sigh*
Turnarounddroptrow! Fast!
Hold breath. No flush! *YES*
Lean in to sit
[CLICK!] ***FLUSH***
Seat cover swirls down. Mother f****r!!!
Turn back around. Pull up tighty whiteys
Pants between ankles
Roll roll roll. Slowly wipe wipe wipe seat
Hold breath. No flush. *sigh*
Place seat cover. Slowly
Hold breath. No flush. *sigh*
Turnarounddroptrow! Fast!
Hold breath. No flush! *YES*
Please please please no no no flush
SIT. slowly. carefully
No flush. *YES*
Poop
Roll roll roll
Wipe wipe
[CLICK!] ***FLUSH***
Shit. This sucks
Roll roll roll
Wipe
Stand up. Dress. Turn around
No flush
Wave hand over sensor
No flush
Cover sensor with palm. Uncover
No flush
*sigh*. Push button on Cylon head
Wait. Wait
[CLICK!] ***FLUSH***

Damn Cylon terrorists. So this is how you plan to drive the human race insane, to render us defenseless when you finally launch the nukes.

tags :: : : : : :

9 Comments so far
Leave a comment

sick AND funny – jokes dont get much better than that!

Man, did I have to do a whole lot of geeky reading to learn what a “Cylon” was.

And I never thought inspiration could come from an airport toilet!

Fatty: Yes, my favorite kind of joke too. :)

Neil: Battlestar Galactica fans are the worst of all- they’re not just regular nerds, they’re old nerds!

CB: I have lots of inspirational moments while on the toilet, unfortunately for me. haha.

:-) you poor thing

The image-to-the-brain-registration I have!!! I read and read and read and read the post wondering what the hell “cyclone” has to do with whatever you’re rambling about and the picture there!!! Ain’t this a joke!!! lol!

I neede a good laugh today! Thanks buddy!!!

Fitèna

Justine: Yes, poor me. But I’d say the Cylon IED had it worse after I was done with it. ;)

Fitena: (Don’t mean to misspell your name- I don’t know how to get the accent over the “e”!) Hahaha glad you liked it! Hope you found the Cylon link (first word in the post is a link) explaining what they are. Their main feature is their one bright red eye that moves left and right across their face. When we were kids watching Battlestar Galactica we thought it was the coolest thing.

I can’t recall the last time a blog post made me cringe AND laugh at the same time!

Too funny.

Pamela Troeppl: Funny you have that reaction- most people cringe and vomit when they visit this place. :)



Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

(required)

(required)