From Airwolf to Zero in 25 Years
I was watching some daytime TV (not a frequent occurrence haha) and caught Erik Estrada of “CHiPs” fame pitching $50,000 plots of land in the middle of nowhere in Washington State. He was touting the community’s waterfront location and resort-like amenities, but it looked like the place had zero infrastructure. Just a bunch of overgrown weeds surrounding some mucky body of water. He also conveniently forgot to mention the 300 days a year of rain. The commercial was very poorly produced. And I’m no expert, but judging from the TV spot, his golf swing sucks.
Saw Ernest Borgnine pitching some Internet software or service a while back on some crappy cable channel (what the hell is the target audience? 90 year-old bloggers?). Lots of cheapo special effects, touting some ridiculous service I hadn’t heard of since. Dude, Ernest is a real actor. He was Dominic in “Airwolf”! He won an Oscar, was in The Dirty Dozen, and lots of other notable movies and shows that I’ve never heard of (I know almost nothing about pre-70s movies. I just remember once, when I was a kid, my dad walked by while I was watching Airwolf and exclaimed, “That’s Ernest Borgnine!” He certainly never walked by and said “Hey! That’s Scott Baio!”).
Best for last: California’s one-time gubernatorial candidate himself, Gary Coleman, of “Diff’rent Strokes” fame. Currently (or was about 6 months ago when I last checked) pitching Cash Call, which makes unsecured loans to people whose credit scores are lower than their shoe sizes.
I’m the first to say that work is work, no matter where, how or what. I don’t care if I sell pork bellies or Lamborghinis- if I can make a decent living at it and it’s legal, chances are it’s not beneath me.
But to go from being worshiped by fans worldwide a few decades back to pitching utter crap in late-night cable spots today has got to be one of the worst things that can happen to a person’s self-esteem. That’s not even considering the miserable financial condition they must be in today to have to do this kind of work.
Maybe we should start a Save the Starving Actors Fund. Wait, that’d cover like half the population of Los Angeles. That is, if you pronounce “actor”, “waiter”. Let’s change it to the Save the Starving Once-Famous Actors With Negative Investing Acumen Fund. I’ll donate my collection of Airwolf action figures. The ones I blew up with firecrackers back in the 80s.
Actually, I don’t pity Erik, Ernest and Gary and their legions of career-zombie cohorts. They had it good at one point and lost it, while many people go through life without having seen much true success at all (I don’t always pity them much, either, but that’s for another post).
But it does make me wonder. Happiness and success I think are often defined in relative terms: How we are doing compared to our past circumstances, relatives, friends and neighbors is often more important to us than how we are doing in absolute terms. Considering that, is it preferable to:
- Go from having everyone in the Western world (remember the Cold War?!) mimic you saying “wadjutokkinboutWillis!” two, three decades ago, only to wind up pitching $5,000 loans to drunks who think a freshly laundered wife-beater is “dressy casual”; or
- Have not had that
careerformer life in the first place. At least that way you’d spare your grandkids all the boring stories about the glory days, back when TV shows were all in 2-D.
20 Comments so far
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This post is so true.
Of course I must add one thing…I think the problem with many washed up actors was that they were simply lucky the first time around. Lightning is rare enough without expecting it to strike the same place twice.:)
By Janet on 05.08.06 6:14 pm
Hi Jack ~~ Most of those former greats do
not plan for when the glory days are over.
I like the “Brake for Moose” signs, but
our kangaroos are not as big as moose.
Thanks for visit. Cheers, Merle.
By Merle on 05.08.06 8:33 pm
Yes Jack, the sad reality is that happiness & success are indeed defined in relative terms as you had mentioned. It’s especially more apparent here in Asia where the relatives/friends are more than happy to let your mom know that “hey, my daughter is working in the Prime Minister’s Office, yada yada yada yada”. And my poor mom has to retort back by saying “err…my daughter has been technically jobless for 5 years but she has her online business”…as if it’s shameful for her to tell that to people. Society’s screwed up…
By Mei Lin on 05.08.06 10:48 pm
LOL!!! So very vrai!
I saw 2 ads featuring Sylvester Stalone. I can’t even remember what the ads were about; I was too busy holding my tummy from laughing so hard!!! At least he’s going to play in another “Rocky”, but is it true!? That’s what they said on French Canal+!
Even Cage had been dissapointing me real bad lately till I watched “Lords of Wars” and he definitely had a rise since then!
“Save the Starving Actors Fund”!? I like you, you’ve got a great sens of humour! lol!
Fitèna
PS: Alt+138 for the “è”. But it does not matter, I can do without it too!
By Fitèna on 05.08.06 11:00 pm
I forget that what is entertainmment for some is your reality for those who live in California.
And I remember Scott Baio…
By ChickyBabe on 05.09.06 12:57 am
Janet: Yeah, no kidding. I sometimes wonder how much of it is luck. You gotta figure there are lots of talented performers out there, but some get into the limelight and others don’t.
Merle: Yeah they should have a mandatory class about saving and investing!
Mei Lin: Being Chinese- I definitely understand where you are coming from. Sometimes the parents are so bold-faced in comparing their children that you wonder if the parents want their children to succeed for the kids’ sake or so the parents can brag to their friends! Comparative success is a topic that’s often on my mind. In the end I figured that you can’t be happy until you are content about your own life on your own terms, and not related to what others have. Besides, success has to be defined by more than just money, or you will die rich and lonely! Easier said than done, but I try!
Fitèna: I figured out an even faster way to spell your name correctly: copy and paste hahaha! Stallone- at least he saved a ton of money so he doesn’t have to do crappy commercials. He can spend all his time doing failed movies and tv shows. I hope the new Rocky will be good, but I’m sure it won’t be. Nick Cage I think still has a decent acting career no? But it’s funny how fickle the movie business is- you can go from hero to zero with just a few bad movies in a row.
CB: Yeah, even though I don’t work in the entertainment industry, it’s hard to escape the behind-the-scenes banter around here as it’s so pervasive. Go Chachi!!!
By jackt on 05.09.06 11:13 am
This post reminds me of the whole “‘Tis better to have loved and lost…” saying, only, you know, your post is much more relevant. Is it better to have experienced the glorious cokehead days of 80′s (and 70′s) television and now be a “has been,” or is it better to live your entire life being a loser? Deep thoughts. I’d definitely take the whole “washed-up has been” role over the “always a nothing” one. If I’m going down, I’m doing down burning in flames.
By Megan on 05.09.06 3:30 pm
Megan: Yes! Much better to have been a cokehead!!!
But yeah, I don’t know if people who live their entire lives being “losers” would think of themselves as losers- to them I’d think it’d be “normal”, and not “substandard”. But if a movie star went from a net worth of $20 million to a net worth of $500k, I don’t think most regular people would view them as losers, but they may very well view themselves that way.
By Jackt on 05.09.06 3:39 pm
True dat. True dat.
By Janet on 05.09.06 4:05 pm
I’d probably choose the complete lack of fame option. Were I to be famous, then I’d probably have to hang out with Paris Hilton and/or Tara Reid one night and, let’s be honest, who wants that?
By Joe on 05.09.06 4:13 pm
Janet: Javol!
Joe: I would like to see Tara Reid’s mangled areola up close just one time though.
By Jackt on 05.09.06 4:48 pm
Guess what? Yesterday am sitting there watching the zapping and thinking about your post and who do they show? Stallone’s mama and wait, listen to this, she has a new profession! She does the RUMPOLOGY! Serious! Rupology is the science of predicting life looking and studying people rumps – the small of their beehinds! I was eating and almost choked to death!!!
Fitèna
By Fitèna on 05.10.06 12:36 am
Fitèna: Wow. Rumpology. Never even heard of it, but it sounds very similar to another discipline called SCAMology, where they look at your wallet and predict that it will be lighter after they take your money.
Maybe if the new Rocky flick flops, they can turn it into a mother and son act.
By Jackt on 05.10.06 12:43 am
Ernest Borgnine’s still alive?
By Penny Karma on 05.10.06 4:50 am
Screaaaammm! lol! Did you just make that “science” up?! lol! Scamology!!! lol!
Fitèna
By Fitèna on 05.10.06 4:57 am
I’ve seen Erik hacking all sorts of stuff on Spanish T.V. I guess work is work. What will Britney be selling in 10 years? Our celebrity drenched culture is revolting.
Liked your last comment on Fatty’s blog.
By Enemy of the Republic on 05.10.06 6:16 am
PK: Yes, he is very much still alive. I was surprised myself when I looked it up.
Fitèna: You will find that most stuff I say is all made up!!! I have no interesting real-life experiences to draw from! hahaha.
EOTR: Funny thing is Erik Estrada doesn’t even speak Spanish apparently. When he was doing those telenovelas(sp?) in Mexico he had to wear a little earpiece so they could feed his lines to him.
By Jackt on 05.10.06 8:28 am
Hey there. I’ll donate to your Save the Starving Once-Famous Actors With Negative Investing Acumen Fund, if you’ll give to my End Sexual Frustration charity. Deal?
By anne on 05.11.06 1:20 am
Anne: I wonder what one donates to a charity like that.
By Jackt on 05.11.06 6:58 pm
Hmmm… money? Or books, movies…? Damn. I really need to think this through, don’t I…
By anne on 05.12.06 4:09 am
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