What the F#@k is Towel Day?!

hgg.jpgEverywhere I go in the Blogosphere this week, I keep hearing about how yesterday, May 25, was Towel Day. Naturally I Googled it, and discovered that Towel Day is a tribute to Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

But given Towel Day’s surprisingly widespread support by bloggers of all stripes and not just sciphiles, they should have named it “Yet Another Excuse for Nerds to Invite More Ass Kickings by Meatheads Named Biff”. Or something like that. (talk like Christian Slater imitating Jack Nicholson in Heathers for the following…it’ll be funnier) Just kidding, bros! It’s all good! I got my own nerd flag right here!

Man, am I the world’s loserest nerd. I have never read Hitchhiker’s, nor any other Douglas Adams book. So please please nerds more nerdy than I, please don’t pelt me with slide rules! They hurt! And if you must, hurl some pocket protectors my way. They don’t hurt as much as slide rules, and I can always imprint a fuzzy Jesus silhouette on them and sell them to superstitious Catholic hackers on eBay.

BFish2.jpgNot to be outdone, here is where I out-nerd the nerds more nerdy than I. I Googled further and found another Hitchhiker’s nerdifact: the Babel Fish, which is a fish that translates any form of language for your comprehension when you stick it in your ear. A-ha! It all comes together! That’s why AltaVista named their web translation utility BabelFish!

So to get back into the good graces of the towel-wearing, Hitchhikers-reading crowd (which apparently includes a disturbingly large number of mommybloggers), I have translated some of my all-time favorite passages which I just wrote this very minute into French and then back into English, using the Babel Fish translator:

Original Sucky Masterpiece:
People who wear towels to work need to have their heads checked.
BabelFrench:
Peuplez qui les serviettes d’usage pour travailler le besoin d’avoir leurs têtes ont vérifié.
AngloBabel:
Populate which them towels of use to work the need to have their heads checked.

Original Sucky Masterpiece:
Not even I am a big enough nerd to wear a towel to work.
BabelFrench:
Non égal je suis un assez grand ballot pour porter une serviette pour travailler.
AngloBabel:
Nonequal I am a rather large bundle to carry a towel to work.

Original Sucky Masterpiece:
Have a happy Memorial Day weekend my blogging friends. Be careful with those towels near the grill, because one hundred fifty thread count steak tastes like shit.
BabelFrench:
Ayez un week-end heureux de jour commémoratif mes amis blogging. Faites attention avec ces serviettes près du gril, parce que cent biftecks de compte de cinquante fils goûtent comme la merde.
AngloBabel:
Have one happy weekend of commemorative day my friends blogging. Pay attention with these towels close to the grill, because hundred beefsteaks of account of fifty wire taste like the shit.

That last translated translation sounds a lot like the crazy Lebanese guy who’s always cursing at me when I walk by his cardboard box home: “What it is arue you to doing! You to stealing from me the things! The F#%K to you, and the F#$K to your the mother too!”

OK, enough fun for one day. I’d better go exercise now, since BabelFish says that I am a rather large bundle with nonequal.

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34 Comments so far
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Yep. Count me as a mommy blogger who loves Douglas Adams. I can’t believe you’ve never read him!!

Horrors!

:)

Count me among the Douglas Adams fans as well. You’re really missing out if you haven’t read the books.

The translations were too funny, though.

Dude, if you have a zillion random thoughts that are totally disimiler but you somehow managed to link ‘em all together in one book, you would get something very similer to Hitchhicker’s. Must read!

*whispering* Don’t feel bad. I haven’t read any Douglas Adams either.

WOW! It’s a miracle breakthrough! Our lives will never be the same again! And I will be unable to ever have that five minutes of my life back!

Stephanie: Yes, just count that as yet another of many things I have never done. Jack “the virgin” T

Joe: I’m getting the picture that I need to read those darn books! :)

Reflextion: I tried stitching together all of my useless thoughts but unfortunately for me it resulted in SuckyBlog, not Hitchhiker’s.

Dagny: YES! We should form a country! With a moat!

Dirk the Feeble: I did warn you on the masthead that this blog sucks, so I make no apologies for the miracle breakthrough that has changed your life.

Well, I’ve read the books, which makes me a nerd. But I’d not heard of towel day, so perhaps there’s hope for me after all.

There’s a day where everyone is supposed to wear towels to work? Kinda like Casual Friday with jeans?

Damn, if I didn’t read blogs I would miss out on this stuff. I am SO not up with the play these days!

PS. I’ve never read Hitchhikers either…can’t say I ever will for that matter lol

I read Hitchhiker’s Guide and enjoyed it, so I guess that makes me a nerd, too. I didn’t like the movie though so there’s hope for me yet.:)

hahaha i love the anglobabel. next time i have an angry post i will translate it anglobabel style. have a good memorial day weekend!! don’t exercise too hard. i’m not. hehe.

OMG Jack you are so missing out! But lucky you, because you still get to read them for the first time. Prepare to pee yourself laughing. :-)

And oh, yeah, you didn’t out-nerd us, cuz Babel Fish’s moniker has been painfully obvious to us all along, LOL!

You seriously should at least peek inside the first one, OK?

You have a rather large bundle? I have a rather large package …you didn’t want to know that? That’s ok I wanted to tell you.

“I’m sorry… and your point is?” says ChickyBabe who took a towel to bed…

:P

Never read the book; don’t plan on it. I am intrigued about this towel thing….Love the translations!

Man, that makes for some good entertainment. I’m off to Babelfish to translate some stuff and then translate it back again. Too bad there’s not a translation engine for crazy homeless Lebanese guy-speak.

Kimananda: Wow can’t believe you missed the Towel Day shout outs- they were everywhere!!! :)

Lisa: Yeah, hold firm and don’t read it. But wear the towel to work one day. Doesn’t have to be Towel Day. Just wear it on whatever day you feel like. Without anything else. People will wonder why you never bothered to dress after showering.

Janet: I don’t think anybody liked the movie, unfortunately for the 7-Up commercial dude.

Yoony: All of your posts are angry (and hilarious). That exercise line was a total joke. I don’t exercise anything but my fingers on the stupid keyboard.

Candace: Given my incontinence problem I will pee myself whether it’s funny or not. :) Yes, I did not out-nerd BabelFans on the BabelFish thing, but I do out-nerd most of the known universe on many other things, like my tighty whitey lightsaber technique.

SJ: Silly you, BabelFish said that I am a rather large bundle. I had to circumcise myself just so I can breathe. And when I play basketball I have to rub myself against a giant plastic palm beforehand to make myself ten feet tall.

ChickyBabe: You should know by now that there is no point in anything I say. Hence the blog title. ;)
Angie: Yes the towel thing I think is going to become a national holiday soon.

Karla: Just send me sound clips if you are unable to understand a crazy Lebanese guy. I speak crazy Lebanese fluently.

I am so happy to see you use French as your babelfish language. Those translations are HILARIOUS.

Thank you for gracing the blog-o-spere with your ramblings. I didn’t know about towel day, either, but I have quite an impressive geek pedigree myself.

“and I can always imprint a fuzzy Jesus silhouette on them and sell them to superstitious Catholic hackers on eBay.”

Hey now! Don’t make me smack your ass with a towel! Cause I will! Towel Day or not! :)

Michele: Yes, I figured some French fluent readers would get twice the laugh out of the translations if I did it in BabelFrench!

ABlondeBlogger: No offense intended! Please forgive me! I don’t want to be smacked with a towel- I bruise more easily than an old piece of fruit.

I dated (briefly) a guy who insisted that I read Hitcher’s Guide. So I tried, and I just didn’t get it. So I guess I can’t blend in with the geekage. Sigh. Ostracized once again.

I have played Babelfish games, but mostly just translating swear words. Your game was funnier.

Va te faire foutre!

I try not to be too much of a mommyblogger. I’m a knittingblogger too. I try to strike a balance.

I need a life.

There used to be a guy in my office who ALWAYS had a tea-towel slung over his shoulder. It was strange. If you asked him why he carried it, he’d just explain, “I don’t like the tea-towels here”.

Nobody ever pushed him on it though, since he always used to go into great detail about his gun collection at home. He has since moved to another building.

Anyway, needless to say, when the news about International Towel Day hit my office, there was much laughing! :-D

…I’m a geek and I’ve never read the book either. Un-geeky geeks unite!

Penny Karma: Ouch no Hitchhiker’s for you I guess! But don’t worry at least you fit into the knitting crowd. I fit into nothing. Not even the clothes I bought last month. :)

Jeut: That’s a hilarious story! Let’s form a Nerds Who Haven’t Read Hitchhiker’s Club. We can invite tea-towel gun collector dude.

I must be an un-geeky geek too because I’ve never read any of the books. But I regularly celebrate towels.

Ok, so I don’t. Would have been freaky if I did.

Who is Douglas Adams?

Excuse me, but who designed this babel stuff? I need to have a word with him. I can’t french think straight anymore!

A Towel Day? lol! On aurait tout entendu! And I thought I’d heard about all the Days! :-)

Can I be a nothing blogger? There are so many somethingbloggers around. Let’s set a club!

Fitèna

Fitèna: Since NothingBlogger is not that accurate (you don’t blog about “nothing”, after all), I think “randomblogger” would be a more appropriate moniker. I, though, am sticking with SuckyBlogger.

You have got to read those books.
And I see there’s still time before people like me are rendered useless by automatic translation…

Anne: You don’t like the automatic translation? But it knows that nerd = large bundle!!! :)

I must admit, you lost some credibility in my eyes admitting that you’ve never read Douglas Adams. You can’t call youself a true nerd until you have.

I ran the sentence “I would never wear a towel to work” through the babelfish into Japanese, and then back into English, and got: “I have not attached the towel to the body under any condition in order to work”

Awesome.

Kyaroko: That is hilarious. I shoulda done the whole thing in Japanese and back!!!

We all know you had a towel with you all day long. Admit it. You wanted to be one with the nerds. You realize you are not nerd enough and went out of your way to make yourself more nerdilicious. ADMIT IT!

Kevin: OK I will admit it. I went to work wearing nothing but a towel over my loins. This was my first towel day so I thought that’s how you were supposed to dress. They sent me home for inappropriate attire so I wrote this post. ;)

that Lebanese guy reminded me of the Iranian homeless guy who held a sign that said, “Death to Everyone! Have a Nice Day!” and shouted, “You! Eat my f**k-off! You! YOU! it is for YOU to eat my f**k-off!”

The Yearning Heart: Hahhaha THAT is hilarious! Maybe his brother is going around telling people to “C**k! asshole!!!” Hahhahaha!!!

Wow. A nerd poseur. I’m guessing you don’t even know when International Talk Like a Pirate Day is. Or the city in which it was invented. But OK Heathers reference.



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