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The Notorious C.N.G.

To protect the guilty who are party to this post (screw the innocent- they’ve got nothing to be arrested for!), names have been redacted, aliases assigned, genders switched, chest hairs glued on, rubber masks donned, and pants stuffed.

Below is a picture of my friend, The Notorious C.N.G. No!- No!- No- torious! (sing it, baby!) is a man of many talents, with a long list of hobbies and preferred activities. Two of his favorites, as you can see, are travel and photography.

Now, the human race for some reason loves to build phallic monuments to itself. Everywhere you go around the world, there are a plethora of giant, skyward-pointing, rock hard (they are made of stone, after all) penises declaring “My country/ religion/ ideology’s horsedick is bigger than your [whatever’s] pencildick. Come stand in the shadow of its erect glory and touch it.”

But The Notorious C.N.G. ain’t buying that! Whenever he travels, he sets aside a few hours to find the local cock-nationale so that he can snap a photograph of himself posing suggestively in front of it.

Part self-mocking and part monu-mocking, The Notorious C.N.G. has many such photos in his personal collection. These monu-mockumentaries are not doctored or Photoshopped in any way, except for the blurring I did of The Notorious C.N.G.’s face (again, to protect the guilty). After all, much of the fun is in getting dirty looks from disapproving strangers while posing for the pictures.

Because what happens in D.C. doesn’t always stay in D.C.

Sometimes it gets stroked and snapped, then splashed on the Internet.

Those of you who have read about my pizza restaurant prank have probably surmised that I, too, enjoy practical jokes. I have been the instigator or victim of many a prank in my lifetime. But every practical joke that I have pulled or been subject to has been a spur-of-the-moment affair, devised and executed in a few short minutes. Cheap laughs for minimal effort- I’m lazy that way.

The Notorious C.N.G., though, is a true practical joke artiste. For The Notorious C.N.G., a good prank is a labor of love, meant to be savored like a fine wine.

When The Notorious C.N.G. started his freshman year in high school, he had a Plan. A Plan that would take four years to execute. The first step was to join the yearbook committee. As a lowly freshman, he helped out on the yearbook staff, but did not have much decision-making power. Following The Plan, he worked his way up the ladder, and by his senior year The Notorious C.N.G. was put in charge of the yearbook Clubs section.

Right where he wanted to be.

To this day, the high school faculty rues the day that The Notorious C.N.G. was made Editor of the Clubs section.

The picture above is a scan of a half-page spread from The Notorious C.N.G.’s senior year yearbook. The club featured is a complete fabrication.

Hard to believe, I know, but there really is no “International Low Budget Jaw Harp Guild and Orchestra” at any high school in Orange County. Especially not one whose members gather to watch B-Movies like The Deadly Art of Rooster Fighting.

The Notorious C.N.G. also took the liberty of adding non-student members to the Jaw Harp Guild. In fact, these members were not real people at all. Because not many parents would name their children Mike Hunt (”my c**t”), Benjamin Dover (”bend over”) or Haywood Jablome (”hey, would you blow me”).

That infamous yearbook was, needless to say, the last to be assembled and published at The Notorious C.N.G.’s high school without close faculty supervision.

tags :: jokes : humor : practical jokes : monuments : high school : yearbook : clubs

66 Comments so far
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Dude, did the guys in the first two pictures watch that Ring video?

And the posing with phallic structures? Is a joke that will never go away. We may as well learn to live with it.

Those are the kind of pictures that make me giggle no matter how many times I see them.

So funny!

When do we see a picture of you with your phallic monument?

At least he’s not taking that dumb picture trying to hold up the Leaning Tower… for some reason that one irritates the heck out of me!

CNG truly is an artiste… on par with some of my favorite pranksters

He’s brilliant! He’s not really… you… is he?

I admire people with a plan, and I especially admire people with the perserverence to carry them out.

this was a very funny post.

Jess R: Agreed. As long as there are men, there will be posing with phallic structures.

Megan: The Notorious C.N.G. would approve- he does it to see you giggle.

Missy: My phallus is not so much a monument as it is a thimble.

Bre: CNG, being the artiste that he is, probably has a picture with the Leaning Tower of Pisa in his collection.

Karen Little: Unfortunately I am not creative or bold enough to think up such antics. Besides, my aliases tend to veer away from words like “Notorious” and more towards phrases describing my limp noodle.

The monuments were OK but the yearbook? That was a true artiste at work. I think we should all bow down to the greatness that is the Notorious C.N.G. (By the way, I now have that song stuck in my head. Thanks.)

just followed you from my blog! this guy is awesome! thanks for sharing his Notoriousness with me…

I admire someone who has the patience and vision to craft a well-rounded prank that has class and staying power.

Bravo!

I will never tire of funny phallic poses in public places.

I think I would very much like to hang out with the Notorious One and my friend Hugh Jass.

Have you seen my phallic carrot and phallic roast pictures? If not, you must!

Love these! I published a series of similar photos a couple months ago.

Shouldn’t they be called monu-cockumentaries?

Dagny: Yes I bow down to The Notorious C.N.G. My pitiful antics pale in comparison to his.

Melanie: Yes, The Notorious C.N.G. is not just Notorious. He is also Awesome.

Rene Merced Jr.: Yes, his prank was indeed classy, in addition to being Notorious!

Penny Karma: Hugh Jass!!! I know him! What a small world! He went to school with my friends Hal Tosis and Seymour Butts!!!

ABlondeBlogger: All carrots are phallic by nature. But a roast?! Unless you’re roasting a large bull p***s. I’ve seen stranger things…

Edgy Mama: Yes, these pics are Notoriously funny, since they were thought up by Notorious C.N.G. himself.

Kevin: Doh!!! Now I feel like a stupid cock for not having thought of that!!!

Wow. Makes my practical joking seem so amatuer.

I take my hat off to anyone who dedicates four years planing a prank. He is a true professional.

I LOVE IT!!! LOL

HE IS A MASTER OF THE PRACTICAL JOKE AND A I BASK IN HIS GLORY!!!!

as a man I heard exactly what you said. and I understood what you said…

Excellent.
I took a picture of a friend of mine going down on the Washington Monument. That’s about all I’ve got to offer.

My country tis of thee…

Justrun: You’re not alone. We are all unworthy!

Gav: Yes. He should get paid for it, but unfortunately could not secure a research grant for creative phallic imagery.

Doc-T: Hahaha we all cower in The Notorious C.N.G.’s shadow!!! I would help you out some more on the current post on your blog, but I don’t want any of the woman commenters on your blog pointing their flamethrowers at me.

M: Ooooo that’d be sweet. But tougher to get the angle hahaha.

That is GREAT. I’m somewhat of a jokester myself, but like you, mine are usually spur of the moment.

I am an insignificant ant in comparison to THE NOTORIOUS ONE. All Hail THE NOTORIOUS ONE!

OMG that guy is GOOD! Both the pics and the incredible yearbook plotting.

OK, get this. Dh actually met a guy last month for work whos name was Michael Hunt. WTF were his parents thinking?!?!? And ALSO at work, he saw a guy whose nametag read “Richard Sickle” (Dicksicle!) I’m on LOLLerskates!

Do you have one of the Eiffel Tower?

Nikki: ALL. HAIL. NOTORIOUS. C.N.G.!!!!

Candace: Yeah those guys’ parents were playing a cruel joke on them. Sheesh. That’s the worst kind of abuse!!!

Michele: DOOOOO Eiffel Tower! I’ll have to check with Notorious!

He is hilarious! He should have a blog…or his own tv show. Either, or.

Ha ha too sweet to miss man….lovely post! Any guy who loves to play practical jokes should be bordering insanity…if he’s willing to take such risks…..yeah but it’s quite clever and 10 outta10 probably go undetected.

OMG, the yearbook was hilarious!! Nothing better than a dastardly prankster with a kickin’ brain.

Too bad Emerson Bigguns was absent on club photo day. He was cutting class to hang with his uncle, Sir Loin of Beef.

Steph: Yes, I’ve told Notorious C.N.G. many times that he needs to blog, but he is disinterested because he is busy with his band. (he is multi-talented).

Reflextion: Yeah it got detected but they couldn’t do anything to him since he’d already graduated!!!

Jason Evans: Yeah- there are many smart people, but not many sinister smart Notorious C.N.G.s!!!

Lucky Dog: Hahaha that’s hilarious- I hadn’t heard those before.

That’s so funny! I don’t have anything witty to say! LOL

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! *je fais la reverence* Bravo! No, really, where do you get your imagination from!? This is hilarious!!!
FitÃ¨na
PS: Thanks for tha laughter!

ChickyBabe: Saying you don’t have something witty to say may qualify as witty!

FitÃ¨na: None of this is made up! Now that you have said that it is made up, The Notorious C.N.G. may spend the next several years planning a prank on YOU! You may think you are safe, being all the way in Mauritius, but as long as there is a phallic monument for him to photograph, it is on his list of places to visit! And yes, he knows about the Lighthouse at Ile aux Fouquets. So be very very careful and don’t go outside for the next ten years!!!

Hilarious! Your friend is a real nutter.

My reaction to seeing pictures like the first ones makes me wonder if I’m not, in fact, a teenage boy…

That is just too funny.

Do you think my template might be considered a bit phallic by some?

Now I’m wondering about that…

The fascination with the dick starts about as soon you are physically able to steer your own hand in that direction.From what I remember about 8 months old….and so it goes on and on.
As a girl I shouldn’t find these school boy jokes funny anymore should I? So why do I?
Interesting that girls don’t have photos taken of themseles with super-imposed tits?!
mmmm…?!

wow, Notorious C.N.G. is my hero. Anyone who is patient enough to wait out his plot for 4 years, deserves a medal.

Geesh, and we thought we were funny for flipping the bird in our senior picture. All Hail Notorious!

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

I love it! Please inform the Notorious C.N.G. that I admire his work and am laughing. Because that is brilliant. Four years? *shakes head* It’s just that much better because they payoff is so… *brings hand to mouth and smacks lips Ã la Italian pronouncing a meal excellent*

That’s a really LAME prank. Four years so he could post a fake club with a couple of made-up names? That guy’s a serious underachiever.

Faltenin: I love that word. Nutter. I will start using it more. Americans may look at me funny because we don’t use it here, but so be it!

Anne: Yes sometimes it’s good to admit that you are a teenage boy trapped inside your body.

Stephanie: Yes perhaps that lighthouse can be regarded that way. But not so phallic as, say, a vibrating a sex toy. So I wouldn’t worry. Unless you change your masthead to a vibrating sex toy.
Madeleine: If girls could masturbate as effectively with their boobs as guys can with their wankers, they probably would be taking such pictures.

Cruisin-Mom: Yes, I have written George W. Bush to see if some sort of special recognition can be conferred upon The Notorious C.N.G. for his achievements, but he seems to be a bit preoccupied with nukes in Iran.

Angie: I know. I had a few little inside jokes in my yearbook as well, but we all pale in comparison to The Notorious C.N.G.

ThÃ©rÃ¨se: Thank you. I will let The Notorious C.N.G. know that you liked the Osso Buco.

Dirk the Feeble: I would not call The Notorious C.N.G. an underachiever. He may prove you wrong by taking it out on you. Or worse yet, someone close to you. These vendettas never die. Let’s all remember Tupac and not start the self-perpetuating cycle all over again.

No, no, no, Jack! All carrots may be phallic in nature, but you haven’t seen MY carrot! I swear it came out of the bag this way:

phallic carrot
And this one is of my phallic roast (it’s a pork loin):

phallic roast
Enjoy!

ABlondeBlogger: You should have made a friend for your carrot using a hollowed out papaya. Kinda like a vege-veegeegee.

Do you think there is a certain amount of phallus envy going on here, notorious with the rather large and solid pointy things? Are we witnessing a deeper craving for ’solidity’ and ‘girth’???????????
Rachh

Jaw Harping is one of my most favourite non-real discplines.

/bark bark bark

sucky sucky sucky
cant you see?
your phallic pictures
tickle me
and i just love your silly ways
hope to visit again one o dese days

/grrrrr

I’m still loving the Duran Duran reference. That one will stick with me all night.

Are you sure this wasn’t a bit on MTV’s Jackass?:)

Oh my God you’re so funny! Love the pictures.

Rachh: I don’t aim for much girth. Short + girth = stump. Not a good look.

Russell Allen: Don’t harp on Jaw Harping, man.

SparringK9: Meow Meow! Kiss my *cough* *cough* fur.. *cough* *cough* ba- *cough* *cough* furball. Meow!

Janet: If this was a Jackass episode, they’d be trying to impale themselves on one of the monuments.

Jaimie: I’ll let The Notorious C.N.G. know you enjoyed his pics! Perhaps one day he’ll release the rest of the collection to the general public.

Hmmm in the first pic he seems to be sitting on one too wonder if his fantasies involve being **beep**-ed by well endowed men.

Tell your friend that strange girls are developing crushes on him simply because he is hilarious. Those pictures are brilliant.

What does CNG stand for? I could only think of “Cock Nationale Guy.” Am I even close?

major props to CNG!! serves those yearbook weenies right…

SJ: Perhaps. But then he’d be The Bi-Fabulous C.N.G. I shouldn’t say that out loud. He may target me for his next 4 year prank.

Megan: He loves it when people who don’t know what he looks like develop secret crushes on him. He’s got a leather mask he’d be happy to wear if he ever meets you to prolong the mystery. That is a great idea for what his alias stands for…er, yeah, thaattt’s the ticket! “Cock-Nationale Guy”!!!

DCCF: I’ll pass your prop(s) onto him, as soon as I can find a latex glove. (you have more than one, do you?)

most excellent. let the notoriety spread!!

Truth be told I actually had a friend in college who’s name is Mike Untiet (pronouned “unty”). Poor guy.

The picture with the Washington monument is flawless! Ha!

AMS: Yes, as long as it does not spread further on my ass, which is large and notorious enough. As you can see from the pics though, The Notorious C.N.G. is quite svelte, and has no such ass spreading issues.

Hope: Holy crap. Poor Mike. What ever happened to him? Is he in the woods somewhere making mail bombs and sending them to everyone who called him a “c**ty”?

ROFL @ the papaya!!!

My friend Mr Pointless would love to be friends with The Notorious C.N.G. Oh my, I still cannot believe that he did that prank for the school’s yearbook and to think that it took him 4 years to execute his plan! He’s really talented! Is he married?

Lin: Is Mr. Pointless simply pointless because he hasn’t been sharpened? There’s a little blue pill with a V on it that can help that condition.

Notorious is married. But he would consider joining a polygamist cult if you are looking to be wife number 2. You could be The Notorious C.N.I. (two letters after “G”). But you’d have to sell The Notorious C.N.H., aka wife number 1, on the whole marriage a trois idea.

Funny. There really IS a girl in my neighborhood named JENNA TAYLOR. Why would a mother do that to a child?

Wendy: Holy smokes I’m still laughing about it as I type. Those parents should be jailed for child abuse.

The pictures are too funny. Janet (art of getting by) has been pimping for you

Pia: Glad you liked the pictures. I always liked reading AOGB, and now I know why! It’s always nice to have a pimp.

I laffed so much, that I cant think of anything witty to say. A dedicated prankster indeed

Fresh Ink: That’s ok. We all pale in comparison to The Notorious C.N.G., witty comments or not.

Ohhhhh, am so very afraid…. ohhhh Jackt is coming all the way to Mauritius ohhhh! hahaha!
Listen man, am on my territory here! you come, me fix you! Many pranks me play on you!
FitÃ¨na

FitÃ¨na: Unfortunately for you, I am not nearly creative or bold enough to be The Notorious C.N.G. (he is my friend). It will be interesting to see who would win a prank war between The Notorious C.N.G. and The Notorious F.Ã¨.N. (that would be you). Such a prank war would be so epic, whole books would be written about it. Wait, nobody reads books any more- whole blogs will be written about it!

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