OK I never really gave this much thought previously (being a guy and all), but lately I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about how women perceive guys. I guess a lot of ladies like to date cool, irresponsible bad-boy types for boyfriends, and then when they are ready to settle down they go for husband types, who are not so “exciting”, not always the best looking, but very responsible and have actual careers. none of this “i’m a screenwriter, but i’ve never been paid to write scripts so i wait tables on the side…you know, to make ends meet.” yep- i bet you’ll be “makin’ ends meet” till you’re old and wrinkled pal (ok my secret is revealed, now you all know which camp i identify with as if that were ever in doubt haha).

so i won’t go on some tirade about how i’m not into shallow girls who perpetuate this whole pattern of behavior and make life for us nerdy guys even more miserable than it would have to be until we turn 30. because for a lot of women, the tables get turned later in life. because the inverse (REverse? some math guy help me out here) of [boyfriend type > husband type] is [first wife type > second wife type]. always funny how second wife type is often the same age as first wife type when first wife first got married.

of course those of you who know me know that i was fortunate enough to skip all of this, b/c pat stuck w/ me when i was young (but never cool…poor pat) and through all the years that i got older and even more bad looking (because unlike paul lu, i can’t admit i’m a pretty good looking guy!!! hahah! see favorite quotes). since she skipped the whole [boyfriend type] phase, it’s only fair that i stick to the [first wife] phase even after midlife (maybe i’ll just go buy a sports car instead when i get to that point).

tags :: relationships : love : marriage : being single

So in a recent article of newsweek or time, this guy (let’s presume he was adopted b/c i don’t remember that part of the article) grew up thinking that he was at least partially african-american. he spent time re-connecting with that part of his identity. then he took a dna test and found out that he’s part native american, part cambodian, and not even partially african american.

an old college friend was told by his parents -in his late 20s- that he was adopted, and that his birth parents are actually his aunt and uncle. talk about events that can shatter your whole world.

there may be a lot of things that we don’t know as inidividuals, but one thing you think you can count on is knowing who you are. so your whole life you think that knowing oneself is probably the only thing you can be completely sure of. it doesn’t take any faith. it’s completely empirical. and you’ve had verification of it with every waking breath you take.

so what happens when that perception gets shattered after having been defined so concretely over so many decades? does it make you question *everything* about yourself? does it change the way you behave? does it change the people you let into your life, and how you interact with them? does it change the way they interact with you? so does newsmag guy spend the remainder of his life connecting with a whole new set of lost roots? does he foresake the connections and sense of identity he developed when he thought he was partially african american? is who we are defined by the genes that are embedded in our cells when we are conceived, or is it mostly the result of the sum of our experiences?

tags :: relationships : identity : self reflection : race

Moved back to SoCal in 02. Noticed a few things that are starting to bug about some people down here (not all…many are very nice and are very good friends).

1) hedging invitations. if someone invites you to do something, don’t put off replying for four days just in case something more interesting comes along. if you are a true friend hopefully you actually want to invest your time in a friendship. if you are not, then people will get the hint after a few successive no’s. but nobody likes to be someone’s backup friend. lots of that down here for some reason.

2) double and triple booking. there are definitely people who always have something to go to before or after you’re scheduled to grab a bite with them. if you make dinner plans, plan on spending the evening hanging out. otherwise you’re spending too much time checking your watch. again- RUDE.

tags :: friendship : manners : rants : pet peeves : los angeles

So there are studies that conclude that most people with overarching ambition are from the middle class. Often one can find a study proving almost anything, but for argument’s sake let’s assume this one is somewhat true. So the theory goes that:

1) Children who grew up rich often don’t feel the need or drive to excel because they already have inherited material wealth.
2) And also the very poor don’t see so far beyond their limited means to strive for wealth or other kinds of success.
3) But the middle class has just enough to want to at least maintain what they have, and often to want more. And they also have a feeling that they could lose it all as well if they don’t maintain their drive. At least that’s what the study says.

Of course there are lots of exceptions to this rule. We all know people from all sorts of backgrounds who have achieved success on many different levels. The study though was talking about which demographic group exhibited the most drive overall.

Which leads to the more important question of whether the trappings of success in the end even matter. Are there relevant personal values tied to community, humility, philanthropy, and other -y’s that are more important to happiness? Some are happiest when serving others, and others are happiest when serving themselves. But the majority of people are probably somewhere in between. A lot of studies (yes, yet another study) have actually shown that our overall feeling of happiness or success is often a result of comparison with others around us- it’s relative to those in our immediate vicinity.

So do you want your own children to grow up to be overly ambitious? Not too ambitious? Ambitious for what? Money? Power? Fame? Love? Happiness? Respect? If you were super rich would you spoil them so they wouldn’t have to worry and struggle in life? Or, even if you had the means to spoil them materially, would you try to instill in them a hunger to strive and achieve?

tags :: ambition : parenting : children : success : wealth

at least that’s what the website tells me. (courtesy of shont miller)
on friendster you can have as many friends as you want. Unless you exceed 500. if you exceed 500 you will have to delete some friends if you want to add new friends. if you delete someone from your friendster list you cannot be friends with them any longer. If you didn’t add someone to your friendster list then they are really not your friend are they. if you want more than 500 friends then you should have a myspace page. but that’s for teenagers who have time to upload songs, movies, and more than a few pics. because on friendster you can only have 50 pics. the entire memory of your life must be comprised of approximately 4 dozen images and a blurb section that is 1000 words or less. college applicants should just submit their friendster page instead of writing an essay. it would be more concise.

tags :: friendship : humor : rants : jokes

private colleges today cost about $45,000 / year including room, board, tuition, books, expenses, health care, travel between home and school, and a little bit leftover for personal expenses. uc’s are significantly less- about half as much if you live on/near campus, and a quarter of the price of a private college/university if you live at home. about 15 years ago schools cost $22,000 if memory serves. so the cost of higher education, both public and private, has gone up at about twice the rate of overall inflation. $200,000 for four years is a lot of dinero for almost anybody. and it’s not just higher education- polytechnic school in pasadena, a private prep school, now costs around $25,000 vs free for public school.

then there’s always the debate of public school vs private school (at all levels). are smaller classes more beneficial than lecture halls? are participation and discussion critical to the development of a young mind? this is of course assuming larger student bodies at state schools have classes that are more lecture- than discussion-oriented, and vice versa for private schools with smaller enrollments. do hanging out with some of the nation’s elite brats help your child get ahead in life? do you measure “getting ahead” in the same way as trust fund kids and their parents? and if you do believe in the benefits of private education, how much of a premium would you pay? 50%? 100%? 200%? or better yet, consider the premium as a percentage of your income and savings.

anybody who’s attended private school knows that although every school has its share, not everyone at private school is a spoiled brat. there are lots of kids there from humbler backgrounds, and there are also kids from wealthy families who work hard and aren’t spoiled. and on the flip side it’s also nice to go to a uc, make good friends, and wind up near your hometown 15 years later with many of your college buddies living nearby. when you go across the country to attend college it doesn’t always turn out that way- you often wind up with friends scattered all around the world pursuing their very different lives, and as everyone gets older and busier it becomes harder to stay connected.

party on (that’s what college is about anyway, no? haha)

tags :: education : college : school : tuition : rants : money : parenting

nonsequitors (sic) are the best! you can find a whole lot of random stuff to ask about on wikipedia.org. here is a question for all you smarties out there: are human facial expressions genetically programmed, or are they learned and shaped by one’s culture? is there any culture on the planet where a frown expresses happiness?

tags :: rants : rambling : personality : anthropology